His protruding belly embarrassed her whenever they went out together. And what made her go berserk was his attitude. He cared two hoots. But there ought to be a limit, and she saw the barbwire one day as they went to see their family and friends in a party. Every woman was talking about her man, how she keeps him fit, how he himself tries hard to be fit, what sport they are enjoying these days etc. Men as usual talked about the new car, its impeccable engine, property rates, famous restaurants and dhabbas, how much beer they still can drown and the new young chicks in their office.

While coming back home, he was in a very good mood, maybe the beer had done wonders for his mood today. He turned the CD player to its loudest best with the good old U2 numbers instead of his sophisticated slow jazz numbers. She knew today he’s going to eat her. To her terrible mood, the loud music was playing a devil. Add to it his singing aloud, “Through the storm we reach the shore, you give it all but I want more, and I’m waiting for you, with or without you, with or without you, I can’t live with or without you.”

She said something but he was too engrossed in the song. She turned down the volume, only to hear him screaming aloud his favorite song. No use.

As she opened the door and entered the main hall, he grabbed her from the back and started pecking on her neck. She just shoved him off. He still tried to patient and started feeling her stomach and bust with his hands, hugging her tight from back. She irritatingly hit her elbow on his tummy. He knew she didn’t want it tonight. So he made a pining face and said, “Sweetheart, I’m not that drunk, believe me, and I’ll cum soon, I swear. Lemme do just once.”

“Is this all you think of when you’re drunk. And what about office parties, after you’re drunk, you maybe even hitting on your female colleagues”, she snapped back with an open argument. “Oh come on, what do you think I am? Learn to trust your husband Sweetheart.”

“Look at your belly damn it. Every guy there is trying to be fit, and what do you do? Nothing. Zilch. Loser you are.”

“Hey, what’s your problem? That I drink or my belly?”

“Both.”

“Okay okay, I’ll try to curb both, but aaj ke liye to maan jaa”, he started pleading again.

“I have finally taken a decision. We will not make love till you start jogging, or take up a new sport.”

“But sex is the best form of exercise, you know that. Then why for this exercise I should exercise?”

“For god sake, don’t use that word, sex. I hate it. It’s called love making. Period.”

“Now you’re jumping on to another topic, my dearest wife. Okay, I’ll never use the word, sex, again. Khush? Now can we make love?”

“No. Only when you start jogging.”

“Okay, from tomorrow, pakka. Now can we?”

“Then we can have it tomorrow.”

“Arre, at least gimme some credit. Udhar chalega kya aaj?”

“No ways. Now go to sleep. Good night”, she banged her room’s door making him sleep on the sofa that night.

Next morning, she woke him with an alarm clock in her hand. It made such an irritating noise that he grabbed the clock from her hand and threw it on the wall. The clock went silent, and she made up for the noise!

He was amused at what happened last night. Nevertheless, avalanche of work ensured his absence on that thought. When he returned home, she was sitting quietly. He knew today there would be no food. As he was about to order a large Pizza, she brought a big bowl filled with exotic fruits and vegetables. “This is our dinner. We’re on diet”, she announced.

“But why this? And why are you dieting, you haven’t gained as much weight”, he looked concerned, and frightened.

“Because if I’ll have normal food, you won’t be able to diet. See, how much pain I’m taking for you, and you didn’t even go to jog today.”

“Okay baba, I’ll jog tomorrow. Bas? Now let’s order pizza from Dominos’. Same pepperoni naa? ”

“What the heck. Why don’t you understand? You are getting fatter by day. Your tummy would bulge further and burst one day.”

“Don’t talk non-sensical. I would remain the same. My waist a year back was 34, it still is 34.”

“Yeah, right. Your trousers are so tight on you that they would tear apart soon. And not to mention that now you wear you trousers a lot lower than you navel.”

“What are you speaking about? At least bring some sense in what you’re saying.”

“Cut the crap. We’re eating this for dinner. Period.”

“Cool. Let’s see till when you have the patience to eat this crap.”

3 days went by. No jogging yet, no good food, no normal food, and no touching. He was getting irritated at her. She wasn’t very comfortable with what she was doing, but nevertheless, she had to do it. And then he devised a plan. Because they still shared the same bed and TV, he brought home a couple of porn cds. After having salads and fruits, they retired for the day. Nowadays she was even wearing her lingerie under her night gown, just to give him the hint that nothing’s gonna happen. As she switched off the lights, he turned on the TV. She wasn’t bothered at what he was watching, as she lay facing the other side, and not TV. But she was startled at hearing some weird voices. On further concentration, she got to know that they were screams, squeals, pants and groans.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she screamed on him as she saw the TV screen that played motion picture at its raunchiest best.

“Why? You just sleep naa? I’m not asking for you anything”, he retorted with a winning smile.

“But I’m getting disturbed.”

”You are mentally disturbed sweetheart, don’t worry, go to sleep”, this was certainly a war statement.

“What do you want to say? And yaa, I have an office tomorrow, please keep it low if you can’t turn it off”, she somehow didn’t want to fight.

“I can’t get the feel. Besides, there’s no turn-on without the voice.”

“So why don’t you shag yourself to your heart’s content and then watch this stupid teen fancy.”

“It’s my life. Don’t tell me what to do or what not.”

“Fine. Then I’m going to sleep in the hall. Wank all night, meri bala se.”

Seeing his plan fail, he slept, with TV still on. She came to the room after some time, switched it off, and slept beside him. It’s been 4 days now since he’d planted a kiss on her cheeks, or given a hearty hug. She looked at him. How innocent he looked while asleep. Then she encircled her hand around his waist, tugged herself close to him and slept. His sleep was halted by her gesture, and he couldn’t sleep further. But he made up for the remaining winks with an excellent exercise session.